Know Why

We are stressing over all the people we can’t be with, the people with whom our paths just do not seem to be crossing, we often force it to make it work when suddenly even the planes do not seem to fly in the right directions any more. We take those things as challenges, we try to change the circumstances and go against everything. We explain it away by circumstances, we believe that this time we can make it all different. We believe that it is all meant to be. But if it really was, would it have to be so difficult? Why do we think that difficulties and hardship is a good thing, and it is something we are meant to go through to get what we want? Does this fighting mentality also come from capitalism, or way back from the time we had to fight for our survival? But I hardly doubt it applies to the fight of keeping people in your life, just so one day they will love you and want you the way you do. We often cling to people and want to keep them as if they are things, or something that c

I don’t like to go outside very often. And I don’t mean outside as outdoors. I go outdoors more than most, in fact you can surely say that I do go places. But i don’t go outside of my head very often. Sometimes I do more than I would like to. Sometimes i am being pulled out of there by cashiers in the shops, taxi drivers or flight attendants - all wanting me to make some important decisions. How would I like to pay, where do I want to go, and what do I want to eat. It is paradoxical that although being so opinionated and particular with my choices, I often feel glad when there is no choice, or it is very limited. in this way I can avoid dealing with the whole burden of decision making process. If my ego is somewhere sleeping or taking a vacation, I even let others to make these decisions for me. People often think I am inattentive or careless because i come across as such. I don’t rush for the bill at the restaurant not because I wouldn’t happily pay it but because I will have to mak